WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS? CHILD CUSTODY CASES
When a couple without children separate from one another, the issues can be difficult to resolve. The husband and wife may disagree about how to divide the assets and debts which were accumulated during the marriage. They may also disagree on whether or how much alimony one spouse might owe the other. But in most cases, it is not imperative for these individuals to maintain a level of communication with one another. In many cases, however, the persons separating are the parents of minor children. Often these children are very young. Unlike separating and divorcing parents without children, these parents necessarily will be tied to one another long after the divorce judgment is entered by the Court.
Divorce can often be hurtful and tumultuous. In almost every situation, it is a life-changing event. When children are involved, parents should be encouraged to attempt to minimize the effects of the divorce on their children. After all, the children are not the ones being divorced and are not to blame for their parents’ separation. While each situation contains a unique set of circumstances and challenges, divorcing parents need to be cognizant of the children’s best interests. At times, meeting the children’s best interests might even be in conflict with a parent’s best interests or perceived best interests. In my law practice, I advise my clients to abide by a couple of basic rules:
1. Do not disparage the other parent: Children of divorcing parents love both parents and wish the divorce had never occurred in most cases. By disparaging the other parent or allowing others to do so in the presence of the children, parents simply put their children in an awkward position. Moreover, parents implicitly send the message that is acceptable for the children to disrespect the other parent.
2. Respectful communication between parents is essential: After separation, issues regarding the children will continue to arise, and parents must learn to communicate effectively with each other regarding these issues. The method of communication (in person, telephone, e-mail, etc.) is less important than the tone of the communication. Parents must maintain a respectful tone with one another deserving of the mother/father of his/her children. Failure to communicate effectively with one another will typically result in either (1) numerous visits back to the courtroom arguing various motions; or (2) unpleasant confrontations at visitation exchanges. Life is too short and too precious to spend yours constantly feuding with your ex-spouse. Effective communication will minimize the potential for long-term conflict.
In sum, divorce sometimes results in the parties becomes enmeshed in serious conflict. When there are children involved, parents should go to great lengths to keep the children from becoming involved in the conflict to the extent possible. Moreover, parents must understand the importance of effective communication with the other parent and the harm which can be caused to children when parents are unable or unwilling to work together for the children’s best interests.
Pete McArdle is an attorney in the Charlotte office of Knox, Brotherton, Knox and Godfrey. He can be reached at 704-315-2363 or 866-704-9059 (Toll free) or pmcardle@knoxlawcenter.com.
(Written By Pete McArdle)
